Recognizing Abuse: Protecting Your Family's Mental Health
The Hidden Impact of Unresolved Trauma on Parenting
Parenting is often shaped by our own childhood experiences. If you’ve faced abuse or trauma, those experiences can subtly influence how you interact with your children. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk famously said,
“The body keeps the score.”
Unprocessed trauma doesn’t just stay in the past—it manifests in our relationships, our health, and even in how we parent.
In Episode 244 of Fulfillment Therapy, I shared a poignant poem from the movie Antwone Fisher:
"Who will cry for the little boy, lost and all alone? Who will cry for the little boy he cried himself to sleep?"
This poem captures the deep emotional scars many survivors carry into adulthood. If this resonates with you, it’s worth reflecting on how your past might be influencing your present—especially as a parent.
Unresolved trauma can lead to:
Difficulty trusting others or forming close relationships.
Overprotectiveness or fearfulness in parenting.
Struggles with self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy.
But here’s the good news: recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from them.
Why Your Needs Matter Just as Much as Your Family's
It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that being a “good” parent means putting yourself last. But modeling healthy self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. When you prioritize your mental health and personal growth, you’re teaching your children invaluable lessons about resilience, boundaries, and self-worth.
One of my clients once described carrying his trauma as wearing “a heavy backpack of shame everywhere he went.” That image stuck with me because so many of us do this without realizing it. The weight of unprocessed pain can make it harder to show up fully for our families—or ourselves. By seeking healing and fulfillment for yourself, you’re lightening that load for everyone around you.
Practical Steps for Parents on the Path to Healing
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but small steps can lead to profound changes over time. Here are some strategies to help you prioritize both your well-being and your family:
Acknowledge Your Story
Healing begins with acknowledgment. As I often tell my clients: “It was not your fault.” It’s common to minimize past abuse or trauma, but doing so only delays healing. Give yourself permission to feel and process what happened.
Seek Professional Support
Trauma-informed therapy can be life-changing. Techniques like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) or brainspotting are particularly effective for processing deep-seated pain. Research therapists who specialize in these modalities and find one who resonates with you.
Practice Self-Compassion
Healing takes time—and that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself during this process. Celebrate small victories and remind yourself that progress is more important than perfection.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Whether it’s saying no to extra commitments or carving out time for self-care, boundaries are crucial. They protect your energy and ensure that you have enough left to give to both yourself and your family.
Reclaim Your Narrative
Journaling, art, or even joining a support group can help you redefine your story on your terms. As Dr. Peter Levine wisely said:
“Trauma is a fact of life. It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.”
Model Resilience for Your Kids
Let your children see you taking care of yourself—whether that’s through therapy, hobbies, or simply taking a break when needed. This teaches them that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
Recognizing Signs of Abuse in Yourself or Others
If you’re worried about whether past abuse might still be affecting you—or if you suspect someone else is struggling—there are some common signs to look out for:
Chronic low self-esteem or feelings of shame.
Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
Substance abuse or other destructive behaviors.
Unexplained injuries or sudden changes in behavior (in children).
If any of these resonate with you or someone close to you, don’t hesitate to seek help. Healing is possible—and it starts with reaching out.
Breaking Generational Cycles
One of the most inspiring stories I’ve heard came from a client who shared how her son broke the cycle of pain in their family by choosing to parent differently than he was raised. He told her: “I’m going to be the dad I never had.” That moment brought tears to her eyes—and mine—because it showed how healing isn’t just about individual transformation; it’s about creating a ripple effect for future generations.
As parents, we have the power to rewrite our family narratives—not by erasing the past but by choosing how we respond to it moving forward.
A Final Word on Fulfillment
Parenting is one of life’s greatest joys—but it shouldn’t come at the expense of your own fulfillment. As Maya Angelou beautifully said:
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.”
Your journey as a parent is also a journey toward becoming the best version of yourself.
So let me leave you with this thought: What would living your best life look like—not just for your family but for you? What steps can you take today to move closer to that vision? Remember: when you prioritize healing and fulfillment for yourself, you’re not just changing your own life—you’re creating a legacy of resilience and love for generations to come.
Thank you for joining me on this journey toward healing and fulfillment. If this post resonated with you, I encourage you to explore more resources at Fulfillment Therapy and sign up for weekly tips on mental health and wellness strategies tailored specifically for parents like you. Together, let’s create lives filled with hope, strength, and joy—for ourselves and our families alike!
Join us on Fulfillment Therapy, where you'll find healing, wellness, and the tools needed to live a life you can't wait to wake up to. Together, we can create positive ripples of change and help others ignite their lives with lasting joy and fulfillment.
Thanks for reading and listening and shine boldly and brightly, my friends!
*Listen to our podcast episode 244 / Recognizing Abuse: Protecting Your Family's Mental Health
Connect with Kendra:🤗
ALL LINKS → https://linktr.ee/fulfillmenttherapy
Website → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org
Contact → hello@fulfillmenttherapy.org
Instagram → @fulfillmenttherapy
Facebook Community → http://bit.ly/fulfillmenttherapy
Facebook Group → Private FB Group
Schedule 1:1 Coaching → https://fulfillmenttherapy.org/1-on-1-coaching
Chat → 1-986-910-5172 *text questions & topic requests
Phone
(986) 910-5172
